The God of My Childhood

“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt 18:3-4)

Childhood is such an amazing time in life. As a child the world seems so big but so small at the same time. I find myself often thinking back to childhood memories. I’ve always had a lot of vivid memories from being young. Most of these are not by any means something you might consider a spectacular event in my life. Most of these memories are quite simple moments. They are kind of like freeze frame shots of time, but it’s more than just a picture I remember. I remember how I felt at these moments and what my state of mind was. I remember more details of these little instances than I can honestly put into words. In these particular memories I’m almost always by myself and often outside. The earliest one I can remember is of the sunlight shining in from a huge window just a few feet away from my bed in the morning. I’m not sure what age I was but probably around 3. This was my first room and my first bed but I don’t remember what color the room was painted or how the bed looked; I remember the beautiful rays of sunlight shining in from the world outside. I can flip through a collage of these memories in my mind—some of them walking home from school, some being outside rollerblading or skateboarding—but in these particular memories I am always by myself. I have plenty of other memories playing with childhood friends as well, but in these special flashes of time I’m talking about it was always myself, nature and my thoughts. Over the years I’ve often questioned what is so special about these memories that has instilled them in my mind so well? What is it about these moments in time that is so nostalgic and meaningful that they surface in my thoughts again and again? What I have now come to realize at 31 years of age is that these memories I have always considered simple, insignificant or unspectacular are actually quite the opposite. These memories are my first experiences of the presence of God.

O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.

You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

(Psalm 139:1-18 NLT)

I’ve read through this Psalm before but I don’t think I have ever understood the depth of its meaning until today. He really has always been with me! Always! God is so amazing words cannot even begin to describe Him. I don’t know what to write. Tears fall down my face as I try to think of the words. It is impossible for me to relay to you how I feel. All I can say is amazing, good, awesome, wonderful, powerful, spectacular, loving, peaceful, compassionate, caring, companionship, comforting and simply beautiful! I wish there were better words. I realize I cannot do Him justice through my writings. I cannot describe to you His love. I cannot explain to you His goodness. Nothing I can say or write does any justice. You have to experience it yourself. Those that know Him know exactly what I’m talking about. There’s no mistaking it, once your eyes have been opened to the presence of God you are never the same again ever. If you say you have never felt the presence of God I don’t believe you. I think it is more that you have never opened your heart to see Him. He is here now. He is with you as you read these words. He is with me as I type. He was and is and is to come. God said to Moses: “I AM WHO I AM.” There’s no other way to describe God, there’s nothing we can say except that He IS. The Lord says:

“Be still and know that I AM God.” (Psalm 46:10)

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.” (Rev 3:20)

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently will find me… For whoever finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Prov 8:17,35)

-I Want To Believe In God [dot com]

2 thoughts on “The God of My Childhood

  1. Eugene Adkins

    I think my memories from my childhood are neat to think about too. Some better than others but as I see them now, they definitely have the providence of God intertwined. And Psalm 139 is a pretty thought provoking piece of scripture too, especially now that I am a father. It’s my prayer that my child will be able to see God in her life when she becomes old enough to reflect in depth. Good post.

    1. iwanttobelieveingod Post author

      Thanks Eugene. I have not yet been blessed with children but hopefully someday. 🙂 The thought of being a father can be pretty scary when I think about it but I’m sure just as rewarding! Surround your daughter with our Lords love and I’m sure she will love Him in return.


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