“I want to believe in God but I can’t.”
I typed this phrase into Google on my smartphone at a Christian retreat the day before I would end up getting baptized. To no surprise the search results revealed people who just like myself wanted answers. Many like me, were scavenging the internet searching for a greater purpose and meaning behind their life but could not wrap their heads around belief in God. “It just doesn’t make sense!” I would say. The unanswered questions piled high! “How could a loving God allow suffering? Why is God so hard to find? Why does God seem to reveal Himself to some people and not others? Why is there murder and wars fought in the name of Christ? Why are children molested by men who are supposed to be ambassadors for Christ? Why are children starving all over the world? Why are there people born with disease and mental handicaps? Why is life unfair? Why? Why? Why God?”
Wait a minute… Why am I talking to God if I “can’t” believe in Him?
You see, by saying “I want to believe in God” a part of me already did. My intuition told me “I believe God is there” but my finite misunderstanding of God added the “but I can’t.”
Which side should I choose to believe?
Perhaps life makes perfect sense but we just aren’t meant to fully understand it? Perhaps life is exactly as God intended it to be? Perhaps you’re reading this because every single step of your life has led you to this exact point in time? Whatever way you decide to look at it, it’s true: Every single step of your life has led you to this exact point in time.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. –John 3:16
You now have a choice:
- Humble your intellect and your carnal instinct to have control over every aspect of your life and cry out to God, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”
- Deny what you sense to be truth because of your lack of understanding of that which is greater than you.
God does not force anyone to love Him or believe in Him, but that does not change the fact that He loves and believes in you.
Since that day I decided to put my faith in what I did not understand I have been learning something very important—how to love life! How to love life as it actually is, not how I think it should be. How to live now, here and for today! How to have peace. This is your life. . . Are you who you want to be?
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. -Matthew 7:7-8
So if you have stumbled upon this site by typing “I want to believe in God” I would tell you that you already have more faith than you think. Happy seeking and may God bless you with peace that surpasses understanding!
-I Want To Believe In God [dot com]