Monthly Archives: July 2013

Our Truth

It seems that we all have our own version of truth.  I don’t think any two people have the same exact perception of life.  What is truth to me may not be truth to you, and vice versa.  My thought lately has been, “How much of what has become our truth did we choose?” Ultimately everyone does choose what they believe but they choose based on their best judgment of their life’s experiences, what they have been taught and what revelation they have had.  But then a problem arises when one’s truth does not match up with another’s truth.  Humanity is divided, arguments are started and wars are raged.   This has been going on throughout recorded history.

I’m not really sure what point I’m trying to get at except that I think we should all be a little more open minded to the worldviews of others.  I think there is something we can learn from every person we meet, and that’s because they’ve walked a different life than us, they’ve seen different things and experienced a different path.  From listening to them we can learn of a whole other perspective and see the world through a new pair of eyes.   I am disgusted with the division among denominations.   Everyone argues over the little details and they completely miss the point—to love.

In recent revelation many of my views have changed.  I’ve tried to force myself in the past to believe certain things just to fit in with a particular Christian sect or theology.  But the revelation I’ve had is that I fit in with all groups more than any particular one.   And when I say all groups I’m not just talking Christianity, I’m talking all of humanity.  We are all connected by love—every single one of us.  We were made in the image of love.   Without love we are entirely incomplete.   But no one is without love, some just have not woken up yet to see the love that is right in front of them, or better put, in them.

Like a sound wave that travels from positive to negative as it flows through the air so are our lives full of rotation.  Like the dynamics involved in a classic symphony so do our lives sometimes drastically change from loud to soft and then back to loud again.  Some of us see this as a war, a fight or a struggle.  But I’ve come to view it more as a ride.   As the saying goes, “If you’re going through hell, keep on going.”  The ride is not always comfortable but it’s the uncomfortable times that allow us to sit in peace and enjoy the quiet blissful moments when they do come.

I’ve realized that the war goes on whether I decide to partake in the battle or not.  Sometimes the battle seems pointless and it’s time to walk off the field for a bit.  Too many times I have made my life about a battle that has already been won.  It’s not my fight and I’m learning to give up certain burdens, but they never go away completely.  Life will be life and even on my worst day I am still thankful that I exist.  I am thankful that I feel pain and have emotional experiences.    The mere act of complex thought alone is in itself miraculous and divine.

In closing I’d just like to say that you are amazing!  Know that.. Please get it.  Learn to love yourself for who you really are and then you’ll learn to love others for who they really are.

What Do You {REALLY} Believe?

This is a very real and honest post that talks about many points I’ve been thinking on lately.

Miraculous Life


We all have our “Canon” of scripture that we live by, a kind of summary emphasis of what we have been taught and believe. For some people the “Canon” is as simple as:

– The ten commandments.

– Do unto others as you’d have done to you.

-For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son….

-Judge not lest ye be judged…

-The Roman Road

-The four spiritual laws

– Go into all the world and make disciples…

-God has given us Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers

-The fruit of the Spirit Is…. The gifts of the Spirit are…

– Good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell.

We tend to pick and choose the verses we emphasize to display our understanding of God and spiritual life;  until….

-Your child declares they are a homosexual.-Then you look at “those verses” differently or…

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Why ask why?

Sometimes I feel like all I do is ask “why?” 

And then I wonder, “Why is that?”

And then I say, “Why can’t I give up the need to ask why?”

Then finally, I realize I am right back where I started, and so the circle starts again.

Gone Fishin…

gone fishin

“There are grounds for cautious optimism that we may now be near the end of the search for the ultimate laws of nature.”  -Stephen Hawking

It seems to me that every human is looking for something.  What we are looking for exactly—or what we think we are looking for—may vary quite a bit from one individual to the next, but I think the one thing in common is that we are all trying to make “sense” (for lack of a better word) of our existence.   We choose many different paths from science to religion, from philosophy to the simpleminded mother who makes her life’s meaning to care for and love her children.   But from my observation it doesn’t seem like any of these paths lead to complete fulfillment.

I fear that in our search for “something” we miss what actually is.  But just stating that doesn’t matter.  I can tell myself everyday to live in the present, not worry about tomorrow, and to stop trying to figure out a “meaning to life” that cannot and has not been found yet… but my mind seems to have a mind of it’s own.  Perhaps it’s deeper than that and it is not just my mind but my inner being, spirit or soul?  No matter how much I tell myself these things and try to convince myself that life would be better if I could just forget about the unknown, it’s like it entices my mind to search even harder.

There’s a drive in me.  It’s like when I go fishing.  I am determined because I believe there’s a possibility that if I just throw out one more line into the water I may hook a fish.  I have sat out for hours tossing my line in again and again.   Most would give up, but what keeps me going is that I have caught fish before.  It doesn’t happen very often… but it does happen.

And in seeking God I have had encounters.  I cannot explain the encounters—I can try to rationalize them and say that they are mere emotional experiences or even hallucinations—but that would be lying to myself to say I actually believed that.  I believe they were more than what can be explained or put into words.  And so I keep throwing my line out again and again.  But sometimes I can go months without catching anything and it seems time to put the rod and reel up for a season.  However I stare at it and in the back of my mind each day I glance at the rod and have a sudden urge to go back to the lake and try again.

The words of Bono from U2’s famous song resonate with me, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”  But I can’t stop looking.  I refuse to, and from my observation everybody else refuses to stop as well. It doesn’t seem that we have much of a choice in the matter.  Many say “this way” or “that way” but really all they are looking for is affirmation and a companion to join them on their journey.   I think many struggle to convince others that their path is the correct one just to give them a sense of security in their choice, when really they are just as doubtful as everyone else.   Each individual in need of a sense of security will tell you that all roads can’t possibly lead to the same place.  But I can tell you one thing for sure—all roads most certainly lead to death.

In attempting to live for what is beyond death—which no one knows for sure—are we actually missing the meaning of life itself—to simply live?  Or, is the drive to search in all of us a confirmation that there is still more to be found?  And my final thought, is the search itself all the meaning we need?

“If you ask me to show you God, I will point to the sun, or a tree, or a worm.  But if you say, “You mean then, that God is the sun, the tree, the worm, and all other things?—I shall have to say that you have missed the point entirely.” –Alan Watts


The Treasures of Darkness

I am in the middle of going through what you could call an “awakening.”  I have in recent weeks gone through more darkness and pain than I can explain in words.  I cannot even really explain the triggers or the reasoning behind it. The truth is it just happened.  It happened just like when we wake up in the morning.  It takes no effort from us—we just wake up.  And I believe that is what has happened to me.  Spiritually a new part of me has awoken.

I realized I have been lying to my own self in many ways.  I have confused faith with clinging to certain ideas and in an attempt to “fit in” I tried to force certain doctrine and belief systems upon myself—but God is not a system.  In realization of this I started doubting everything I ever held as truth, which does not sound like a good place to be, but it is the most honest that I have perhaps ever been with myself in my entire life.

The quest for truth must first start with a foundation of being brutally honest with oneself. But honesty with self can be very hard to reach. It involves a combination of humility and bravery found through great pain in embracing the reality of uncertainty and giving up our need to have all the answers. I fear that many never even make it to that point.

But I have found treasure in the darkness of pain.  I have found that no matter how much pain I go through, no matter how confused I get and no matter how angry I get, I am still alive!  I still want to be alive, and I still want to believe.  And that’s what’s important.   It doesn’t matter if I intellectually understand my existence because that does not change the fact that I exist.  There is a deep inner part to all of us, separate from our mind and consciousness which is in fact connected to the Truth.  Being aware of this is all the truth I need to press on.

I am no longer afraid to be different.  I am no longer going to hide that I have different views than what modern pop-religion spews from the pulpits as doctrine.   Men have idolized their creeds in the need of a false sense of security in pretending they have all the answers.  But they have only fooled themselves.    They have packaged religion into a nice neat box, but the fact is life is messy, and so is the search for truth.  We always talk of “finding ourselves” but so often on the journey all we do is try to force ourselves to be something that we are not.   I refuse to any longer be afraid of who I am.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel.”  -Isaiah 45:3