The Treasures of Darkness

I am in the middle of going through what you could call an “awakening.”  I have in recent weeks gone through more darkness and pain than I can explain in words.  I cannot even really explain the triggers or the reasoning behind it. The truth is it just happened.  It happened just like when we wake up in the morning.  It takes no effort from us—we just wake up.  And I believe that is what has happened to me.  Spiritually a new part of me has awoken.

I realized I have been lying to my own self in many ways.  I have confused faith with clinging to certain ideas and in an attempt to “fit in” I tried to force certain doctrine and belief systems upon myself—but God is not a system.  In realization of this I started doubting everything I ever held as truth, which does not sound like a good place to be, but it is the most honest that I have perhaps ever been with myself in my entire life.

The quest for truth must first start with a foundation of being brutally honest with oneself. But honesty with self can be very hard to reach. It involves a combination of humility and bravery found through great pain in embracing the reality of uncertainty and giving up our need to have all the answers. I fear that many never even make it to that point.

But I have found treasure in the darkness of pain.  I have found that no matter how much pain I go through, no matter how confused I get and no matter how angry I get, I am still alive!  I still want to be alive, and I still want to believe.  And that’s what’s important.   It doesn’t matter if I intellectually understand my existence because that does not change the fact that I exist.  There is a deep inner part to all of us, separate from our mind and consciousness which is in fact connected to the Truth.  Being aware of this is all the truth I need to press on.

I am no longer afraid to be different.  I am no longer going to hide that I have different views than what modern pop-religion spews from the pulpits as doctrine.   Men have idolized their creeds in the need of a false sense of security in pretending they have all the answers.  But they have only fooled themselves.    They have packaged religion into a nice neat box, but the fact is life is messy, and so is the search for truth.  We always talk of “finding ourselves” but so often on the journey all we do is try to force ourselves to be something that we are not.   I refuse to any longer be afraid of who I am.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel.”  -Isaiah 45:3

 

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6 thoughts on “The Treasures of Darkness

  1. T

    Amen! I totally agree! You be who God created you to be. He is the only one you have to please. Loved this post!

    Reply
  2. Cindy Powell

    You would probably be surprised to know how many other sincere seekers there are out there who are also tired of trying so very hard to color in the lines. When someone has the courage to speak out, it brings strength and courage to others, too. You will never be truly great at anything … except being you. That is one thing I wish I learned a whole lot earlier. That and learning to simply enjoy the journey–wherever it leads. Love you and, of course, I am continuing to pray 🙂

    Reply
  3. Pure Glory

    Being yourself frees one from man pleasing and helps to please God instead. We all have times of going through the valley of the shadow of death. God, however, is with us and leading us through it all.

    Reply
  4. lessonsbyheart

    There have been several times when I’ve had to stand back and re-evaluate what I *know* to be true. It’s a bit scary, especially when it involves questioning pop-religion. Most prefer the status quo, and don’t like the questions we ask for it rocks their theological boat.

    One such question I’m currently asking has to do with the heart. I hear “the heart is desperately wicked,” and I agree – the unregenerate heart IS. But God said that He took out our heart of stone and gave us a heart of flesh…so, did He give me junk? A desperately wicked heart? Not according to James who said that every “good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights in whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (In other words, God doesn’t have a “dark” side! That alone is very good news!)

    Carry on. God promised that we will seek Him and find Him when we search for Him with all our hearts. We need to sort through what we’ve been told, looking for the truth in it, discarding that which we realize is merely the thinking ( or lack thereof) of the masses. If you don’t feel like you’re swimming against the flow, then you’re probably headed in the wrong direction!

    In Christ,
    Tami
    \o/
    Praising Jesus for His truth!

    Reply
  5. Silver Price

    the word of truth. Sometimes we think we already know what God’s word says, because of the things that we have been taught in the past which we have blindly accepted as being the truth of God’s word. But in reality some of these things that we have been taught are nothing but the traditions of men, which seem logical to us, because we do not step back and examine them in the light of the WHOLE word of God. Therefore some Christians are being deceived and these false teachings have led them astray and have kept them from walking in the in reality victory that God has provided for us.

    Reply

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