Today I find myself in rehab. My emotions are mixed – positive and negative.
Negative: I feel guilt, like I messed up. I feel disappointed in myself. I feel upset that I have to leave my wife at home by herself.
Positive: I am glad I have taken a drastic step towards sobriety. I know I have a problem and ignoring it as I have does nothing. I am ready for a change!
My problem frustrates me. I wish I did not have it. Part of me says, “You’re better than this. You shouldn’t have to be here.” But I know that is a lie. I am not better than this, I have an addiction and I need to come to this realization. Today I set my hope in God’s help.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. -2 Corinthians 12:9
More mixed emotions: I find comfort in this verse and at the same time I find it unsettling. I love the idea that His strength is perfect in my weakness but I find it hard to fully believe. Who should I believe? God’s word or my doubt?
Lord I believe, help my unbelief. -Mark 9:24
Today I choose to have faith!
I will simplify this verse and say, “God I believe you can help me and I want you to help me. I accept your help. I accept your grace.”
Abide in Me and I in you. -John 15:4
Yes Lord, I accept your commandment. We will abide in each other and your perfect strength will overcome my weakness. I believe you are with me now and thank you for your presence.
The best is yet to come!
**This is a journal entry previously written during my stay in an alcohol abuse treatment center. I’ll be posting many more in the coming days. All entries will be linked here.**