New Wine of the Spirit – Post 5

Last night I got to thinking that one of my biggest problems with getting sober is denial.  I deny that I have a true addiction.  I justify my drinking by pointing out others I know that are worse.  I deny that drinking is a sin.. “Jesus drank wine.”

My greatest threat to relapse is lying to myself saying, “I can just have a couple drinks.”  The truth is that I’m an alcoholic and I cannot just have a couple drinks.  The truth is that I have setup alcohol as an idol.  I push God aside and get drunk.  Drinking drives me away from Him in my relationship because in my heart I feel guilt.

I know that God loves me beyond any mistake I could ever make, but when I drink I push Him away.  Much like Adam in the garden I hide.  I ignore Him and put alcohol first.

I’ve asked God to give me a heart of repentance.  This morning in meditation I read Lamentations.

The Lord is righteous for I rebelled against His commandment.  Hear now all peoples and behold my sorrow… -Lamentations 1:18

See O Lord, that I am in distress, my soul is troubled, my heart is overturned within me, for I have been very rebellious.  Outside the sword bereaves, at home it is like death. -Lamentations 1:20

I am distressed, my soul is troubled, I have been rebellious, I am filled with sorrow, and at home – where I would do the majority of my drinking – it has been like death.

At an AA meeting last week someone who had been sober for over four years said that he feels like he’s finally living.  That’s what I want.  I want to live life the way God intended it to be for me.  I do not want to be drunk with wine but filled with the Holy Spirit.

**This is a journal entry previously written during my stay in an alcohol abuse treatment center.  I’ll be posting many more in the coming days.  All entries will be linked here.**

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3 thoughts on “New Wine of the Spirit – Post 5

  1. nopew

    Honesty frees us. I think what you write should touch everyone, for everyone at some time sets something above God, and only our confession can bring repentance can bring forgiveness can bring life.
    Peace

    Reply
    1. Justin Post author

      Thanks for the encouragement! I have found it so true that honesty frees us. It brings things to Gods light and defeats darkness!

      Reply

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